Thursday, November 13, 2008

I suck.

I really didn't see it coming - how upset she was going to be. I think I thought she'd be so happy I felt the same way she did, that she'd overlook all of the other problems.

At first I thought she was just mad because I'm shallow, but that's not even the issue. She's upset about how I acted when I knew about her feelings and didn't return them. Or returned them but wasn't sure if I was going to do anything about it.

When I left her house on Sunday, she looked so heartbroken and angry, and I felt horrible. Because I did that to her. I hurt her like that.

She keeps throwing the friends word at me - "Maybe we can eventually be friends again."

I don't want to be friends. That's not enough. I know I don't deserve her, but I don't care.

I have to fix this. There has to be a way to fix this.